All that I've got
by Nashayla
Summary: Reposted: Most of you have read this one if you're familiar with my writing. But I had to repost this one due to conflict with the site. This is a Songfic sort of inspired by All that I've got written and performed by the Used.


_**"All That I've Got"**_

Harry sat there, gripping at his jet black hair as though he was attempting to rip it from his scalp. Everything had become too much for him to even try and withstand. He had had enough of pretending...enough of living a life he didn't want in the first place. Was it too much to ask...for a normal life? Harry looked around the hangings of his four-poster to endlessly stare at the boy who lay in the bed opposite him with red hair and freckles. There was nothing Harry wanted more then for his parents to be alive and well...and for Sirius to have never left. At that moment feeling seemed to be his only weakness. For once Harry understood why someone could actually fear love. Harry's love for his parents, Sirius and everyone else he'd ever lost was what was causing all of his pain. Tears leaked from his vivid green eyes as he continued to stare at Ron, clearly envious of what he had, and even of what he didn't. Since the loss of his godfather, Harry found that he'd scarcely slept. In full honesty he was almost scared to sleep...scared of what he'd see...scared to look into a mirror and find his skin to be pale white with only red slits for eyes. Never did he want to hear the stone cold laugh of Lord Voldemort, even in a dream. No matter how hard he tried, Harry could not stop himself from reliving the night Sirius had been murdered...or Dumbledore's voice as he explained to Harry what was to come according to the prophecy. Why was it that no one could understand! Fate is a heavy burden, but of course no one else could even try and understand what it felt like to have the world on your shoulders. Frustrated, Harry wiped at his tears not wanting to cry anymore but they fell none the less. It felt as though his heart would explode if anything horrible happened, but he knew that nothing good was to come of that prophecy. So what if I do live, he though miserably, I'll be a murderer just like him...the thought had etched itself into his skull, echoing through his mind at random. Finally Harry managed to take his gaze off Ron as he turned to look out the nearest window, looking to the sky. Placing his hand beneath his head he began to whisper, never looking away from the starry nights sky.

"Sirius," he began so softly he almost could not hear his own desperate cry. "I can't do this...I can't take it anymore. You were brave, you could have done it! Sirius I can't...I - just - can't!" he dropped his voice slightly as he realized his volume increased with every word he spoke. "Tell them I'm sorry Sirius...tell them I'm sorry for everything that's happened. I tried to make them proud, I pulled through for them but now...it's too hard." Only Harry would have known of whom he was speaking...his parents. "They died to save me Sirius...but now it was for noth-" to Harry's utter surprise a voice interrupted him. It was the voice of a girl, and as quite as could be. Slowly Harry turned to face whoever it was, only to see not one, but his two bestfriends kneeling at his bedside.

"It was not for nothing Harry." Hermione's voice was gentle, but her eyes looked sad as though she was about to cry. Harry felt quite conscious of the tears which were still forming behind his eyes. "You've become more then anyone thought possible. They wanted you to live, and that's exactly what you're going to do. You can get through this...you can do whatever it takes." her eyes were pleading, but he could not accept...he could not believe. It was clear that Ron could not muster the courage, or maybe the proper words to speak so he merely nodded his head.

"But what if I can't...What if I don't?" he said shaking his head slightly back and forth. "If I kill him, I've become everything I hate...I'll have become him. Just as loathing, just as horrible. I'll be a murderer Hermione...Ron!" it was too much to be speaking his mind to those who could actually hear him. He buried his face in his pillow, not wanting them to see him like this. "Let me sleep." he mumbled through his pillow. Ron looked at him wide-eyed but Hermione nudged him with her elbow giving him a cold glare.

"Sleep...Mate, you haven't slept since we arrived here!" Ron said the first thing that could escape his lips. He'd never been good at consoling or anything to do with feelings. Then again, once Harry thought about it, he himself was no better. Harry almost let out a laugh at Ron's poor attempt, but knew even if he did, inside he'd never be okay. If he'd known anyone would see him in this state, he could have gone elsewhere, but Hermione and Ron had caught him when he least expected it. Now he'd have a sure battle trying to convince them...

"I have so, just not very much!" he lied, his tone full of annoyance. It was apparent that Hermione was not satisfied with his response to Ron's comment. "I'm not..." but he stopped. What wasn't he? He wasn't happy, and he wasn't okay but he could tell them none of this. "I'll be okay, just stop worrying alright?" he said desperately. It was taking all of him not to lash out on the pair of them for not leaving him be...he had no one left. Sure Dumbledore was there, but it just wasn't the same. The two of them just glanced at him and were not convinced. There faces flashed in front of his eyes, even after they'd vanished. It was then he realized no matter how hard he tried, they would always know the truth. It was Hermione's expression that upset him the most. She'd gone all pale, and her eyes had lost their warmth. It was hard to tell what was causing her sudden change...but he was almost sure it was sympathy and guilt. Of course she'd done nothing wrong, but she couldn't help but feel guilty for not being able to help her best friend. Harry wanted to scream...scream into the silent night and tell anyone in ear-shot how much he hated what life had in store for him. He could not stand to watch others become just as miserable as himself, especially when he was the cause. Hermione stood and sat on the side of Harry's bed, and Ron quickly followed suit. For the first time in months, a smile broke across Harry's face. Why exactly he did not know...but for the first time in a long while he did not feel alone. Hermione leaned forward and hugged him, but did not make a sound. Nobody seemed to be able to find the words to describe how each as an individual was feeling. Only to let Ron clap Harry on the back did Hermione move, but as soon as Ron leaned back to sit upright she resumed hugging Harry tight as she could. Looking at Ron from over her shoulder, he spoke honest words directed at them both.

"You're all that I've got..."

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**Note: This is reposted without the lyrics. As said in summary, this fic was inspired by the song "All that I've got" by The Used. (Lyrics which I did not write.)**


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